my resume

this didn't happen.

2008-01-02T00:18:00.000-08:00

shiver

wrapped in cellophane
a scream
a whisper
a kiss
you missed
shiver

dipped in bleach
so's not to
give her
something new
something blue
shiver

swathed in clothes
her mama
give her
she dropped it
in the river
with a shiver

notes (on a screenplay)

2007-11-22T00:59:00.000-08:00

I liked five minutes. I enjoyed sharing that story. I didn't feel done telling it, so I re-wrote it as a screenplay. Merry Christmas. I've given you the same gift twice- just to watch your eyes while you unwrap it- because I'm a stupid, insensitive, self-indulgent jerk.

So, go ahead. Unwrap it. Enjoy. I'll go grab the camera...

five minutes (screenplay)

2007-11-22T00:49:00.000-08:00

Five Minutes or Oncophage

Characters:
LEAD / NARRATOR
LINDSEY
RICKY / KEVIN

Scene 1: Monday, August 14. 12:00 noon.
Setting: Ext. Rooftop of The Company’s building.

Shot opens on a close-up of LEAD’s iPod. ‘And All That Could Have Been’ by Nine Inch Nails is playing.

NARR: I only have one song in my iPod.

The headphone cord goes upward, but the camera pans down to his feet. LEAD slips off his shoes. LEAD is singing along with the song:

Please
Take this
And run far away
Far away from me
I am
Tainted
The two of us
Were never meant to be
All these
Pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my
Nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me

NARR: At least I’m not crying- not as much as you’d expect, if you knew me, anyway- and I’m not biting my nails.

Scene 2: Friday, August 11. 11:58 am.
Setting: Int. Lobby/Elevator of The Company.

LEAD and LINDSEY are in an elevator and the doors are closing.

LEAD: See you, Kevin.

The elevator doors close.

RICKY: I’m not Kevin, asshole. I’m Rick. Kevin’s been on paternity for three weeks.

NARR: No one should look this good in an elevator. The lights are toxic shit for your bad skin. For your moles and skin-tags. Those cute little freckles you’ve had across your nose since you were a kid? They look like stupid-stains in this lighting.

But not hers. Never hers.

LINDSEY: So, you really only have one song in your iPod at a time? I mean, what’s the point? It’s like, 80 gigs, right?

NARR: I don’t even know if I’m staring at her because of how perfect she is, or if I’m just avoiding my own ugly reflection off the doors of the elevator.

LEAD: Something like that, yeah. I don’t know why. I only like one song at a time.

LINDSEY: You are so fucking weird.

NARR: Yeah. I know.

LEAD: Yeah, I know.

LINDSEY: This is me. Thanks for lunch, and congratulations again on the whole promotion thing.

LINDSEY gets off of the elevator.

LEAD: Hey, no problem, and-

The elevator doors close. We see LEAD’s reflection in the polished doors. He is biting his nails.

NARR: The doors close and there I am again, looking stupid under the lights, and biting my nails like always.

Scene 3: Monday, August 14. 11:59 am.
Setting: Ext. Rooftop.

AATCHB (song) is playing. We see LEAD’s outstretched arm release his tie to the wind off the rooftop.

NARR: My favorite silk tie just became the world’s most improbable kite. There really isn’t any ceremony in any of this for me. I am not apologizing or atoning. Intention is everything, and I didn’t plan for any of this to happen.

LEAD removes his shirt and lets the wind take it. We see him sort of visually define the word ‘bask’ in the sunlight on his bare skin.

Scene 4: Friday, July 14. 11:57 am.
Setting: Ext. Company’s parking lot. At LEAD’s car.

We see LINDSEY get halfway out of LEAD’s car as LEAD tries and fails to go around and open the door for her. Even though the door is open, he begins to try and unlock the it, before catching himself and stopping. He begins to bite his nails.

LEAD: Sorry.

LINDSEY: What? Oh, It’s cool. Where did you find that place? I didn’t even know we had good Chinese in this shit-splat town!

NARR: Her shoes pretty much tell me everything I need to know about her, which is everything.

LEAD: Found it about six months ago. Like, my second week at the company. I got lost looking for Taco Bell.

NARR: Her little green ballet-slipper-looking shoes tell me so much, so freely, that I would be embarrassed to actually share it with you, here, now. What her shoes don’t tell anyone, I hope, is what I want to do to her. What I would do,

LINDSEY: Well, it was amazing. Thanks again. We totally have to go there again, and then I can treat.

NARR: if I got the chance.

LEAD: Sure. How about next Friday?

Scene 5: Monday, August 14. 11:57 am.
Setting: Ext. Outside the glass-paneled double doors of The Company’s lobby.

The shot opens on the reflection of the sun in then doors and pans down to LEAD walking to and then through them.

NARR: The glass entrance doors on the outside of this building are way too fucking shiny. The glare leaves blue suns burnt into my eyelids that I can still see when I get back up to my desk.

On this cue, the reflected sun image’s negative remains burnt into the frame. LEAD speaks to KEVIN as he presses the elevator call button and waits for it to descend.

LEAD: Hey, Rick, how’s it going, man?

NARR: Rick loves me, because I actually take the time to speak to him.

KEVIN: Hey, man. Good. Where’s Lindsey? Didn’t she go with you to lunch?

LEAD: Uh, no man. You’re thinking of some other time.

KEVIN: Oh. My bad. I just-

The elevator dings and the doors open.

LEAD: Well, that’s me. Gotta go. Don’t want to be late. ‘Strict Adherence to the Production Floor Schedule’ and all that. Later, Rick.

LEAD gets on the elevator and the doors close as KEVIN speaks.

KEVIN: I’m not Rick, fuck-head. I’m Kevin. Rick has Mondays off.

Int. Elevator.

In the reflection off the doors, we see LEAD make that face you make when you bite your nails and taste blood.

Scene 6: Friday, June 2. 11:59 am.
Setting: Ext. Entrance.

LEAD is searching frantically for his security badge and checking his watch. He is obviously terrified of being late returning from lunch.

LEAD: Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fucking shit- fuck!

In the reflection, we see LINDSEY walk up to LEAD, smoking.

Lindsey: Hey, what’s up? Did you lose your security badge, because I can totally beep you in with mine. I just got it. Let me finish my cigarette.

LEAD turns around as if surprised to discover that LINDSEY is speaking to him, and starts biting his nails.

LEAD: Yeah, I seem to have… I… this is my eighty-eighth day… I don’t like being late from lunch… I… how long have you been with the company?

LINDSEY: Three hours, fifty-nine minutes, roughly.

LEAD: And you already got your badge?!

LEAD looks down, taking LINDSEY in for the first time. Mostly her shoes.

LINDSEY: Yep, ‘fraid so. I’m Lindsey.

LINDSEY smiles and takes a drag off of her cigarette.

LEAD: Hi. Nice shoes.

Scene 7: Monday, August 14. 12:02 pm.
Setting: Ext. Rooftop.

Shot opens on the big, blue sky, as seen from LEAD’s POV. AATCHB is still playing. LEAD is sometimes mouthing, sometimes singing the words.

Please
Take this
And run far away
Far as you can see
I am
Tainted
And happiness and peace of mind
Were never meant for me
All these
Pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see

NARR: The sun that I hate so much when it’s glaring off of something, isn’t. Up here, nothing is reflected off anything unless you’re stupid enough to look down. What they say happens next is mostly bullshit, but I think I would do just about anything for a cigarette. I try not to focus too much on how this only my first day with the ‘Big Boys’ on the sixteenth floor, and I’m totally not going to be back from lunch on time.

We see LEAD spread his arms. He is naked.

LEAD: At least I quit biting my nails.

LEAD smiles, his eyes closed, and takes a step forward.

NARR: What they say happens next is bullshit. What flashes before my eyes is the headache-inducing, glaring, strobe effect of thirty-two stories of reflective glass and steel and concrete.

During NARR’s dialogue, we see what you’d see if you had your eyes closed tight and you were falling 32 feet per second of a highly-polished building. Red. Black. Red. Black.

Music stops. We hear only the rushing wind and LEAD’s whispering of the words to the song.

In my
Nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me

We hear LEAD hit the ground as the music resumes. For a few, hazy frames, we see from LEAD’s POV on the ground.

Fade.

Credits.

five minutes (late)

2007-11-18T01:58:00.000-08:00

Monday, August 14
12:00 noon

I only have one song in my iPod. No one can hear me screaming the words as I slip out of my shoes. The cement burns my feet, but I enjoy the feeling for a moment anyway.

I'm not biting my nails.

Please
Take this
And run far away
Far away from me
I am
Tainted
The two of us
Were never meant to be
All these
Pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see
In my
Nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me

I’m not crying- not as much as you’d expect, if you knew me- and I’m not biting my nails.

Friday, August 11
11:58 am

“See you, Kevin.”

The doors close on us, so I can’t hear Kevin when he says, “I’m not Kevin, asshole. I’m Rick. Kevin’s been on paternity for three weeks.”

No one should look this good in an elevator. The lights are toxic shit for your bad skin. For your moles and skin-tags. Those cute little freckles you’ve had across your nose since you were a kid? They look like stupid-stains in this lighting.

But not hers. Never hers.

I don’t even know if I’m staring at her

“So, you really only have one song in your iPod at a time? I mean, what’s the point? It’s like, 80 gigs, right?”

because of how perfect she is, or if I’m just avoiding my own ugly reflection

“Something like that, yeah. I don’t know why. I only like one song at a time.”

off the doors of the elevator.

“You are so fucking weird.”

Yeah. I know.

“Yeah, I know.”

“This is me. Thanks for lunch, and congratulations again on the whole promotion thing.”

“Hey, no problem, and-“

The doors close and there I am, looking stupid under the lights and biting my nails, like always.

Monday, August 14
11:59 am

The wind rips the tie right out of my hand. My favorite silk tie just becomes the world’s thinnest and most impractical kite, before whooshing out of my field of vision.

Breeze still carries the sound
Maybe I'll disappear
Tracks will fade in the snow
You won't find me here

There really isn’t any ceremony in any of this for me. I am not apologizing or atoning.

Intention is everything, and I didn’t plan for any of this to happen.

Ice is starting to form
Ending what had begun
I am locked in my head
With what I've done
I know you tried to rescue me
Didn't let anyone get in
Left with a trace of all that was
And all that could have been

I get my shirt unbuttoned with minimal fumbling and it floats off with about the same. The sun feels amazing on my skin- a-ma-zing- in a private way that I imagine is just for me.

Friday, July 14
11:57 am

She gets halfway out of my car before I can get around to open the door for her.

“Sorry.”

Like an idiot, I reach my key for the door anyway, even though she has both feet on the blacktop.

“What? Oh, It’s cool. Where did you find that place? I didn’t even know we had good Chinese in this shit-splat town!”

Her shoes pretty much tell me everything I need to know about her,

“Found it about six months ago. Like, my second week at the company. I got lost looking for Taco Bell.”

which is everything. Her little green ballet-slipper-looking shoes tell me so much, so freely, that I would be embarrassed to actually share it with you, here, now.

“Well, it was amazing. Thanks again. We totally have to go there again, and then I can treat.”

What her shoes don’t tell anyone, I hope, is what I want to do to her. What I would do,

“Sure. How about next Friday?”

if I got the chance.

Monday, August 14
11:57 am

The glass entrance doors on the outside of this building are way too fucking shiny. The glare leaves blue suns burnt into my eyelids that I can still see when I get back up to my desk.

“Hey, Rick, how’s it going, man?” I wave at Rick- the security desk guy, who loves me because I actually take time to talk to him- and keep moving for the

“Hey, man. Where’s Lindsey? Didn’t she go with you to lunch?”

elevator. Fuck.

“Uh, no man. You’re thinking of some other time.”

“Oh. My bad. I just-“

Ding.

“Well, that’s me. Gotta go. Don’t want to be late. ‘Strict Adherence to the Production Floor Schedule’ and all that. Later, Rick.”

The doors close on me- just me- so I can’t hear Rick when he says, “I’m not Rick, fuck-head. I’m Kevin. Rick has Mondays off.”

In the reflection off the doors, I see someone make that face you make when you bite your nails and taste blood.

Friday, June 2
11:59 am

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fucking shit- fuck!”

I’m a fucking moron. It’s not in the car. It’s not in my bag. It’s not hiding in my watch, but I keep checking, as if it were.

“Hey, what’s up? Did you lose your security badge, because I can totally beep you in with mine. I just got it. Just let me finish my cigarette.”

Just seeing her smoke a cigarette makes me start biting my nails.

“Yeah, I seem to have… I… this is my eighty-eighth day… I don’t like being late from lunch… I… how long have you been with the company?”

“Three hours, fifty-nine minutes, roughly.”

“And you already got your badge?!”

“Yep, ‘fraid so. I’m Lindsey.”

“Hi. Nice shoes.”

Monday, August 14
12:02 pm

The sun that I hate so much when it’s glaring off of something, isn’t. Up here, nothing is reflected off anything unless you’re stupid enough to look down. What they say happens next is mostly bullshit, but I think I would do just about anything for a cigarette.

“At least I’m not biting my nails.”

I take a step forward.

I can’t stand to think about how this only my first day with the ‘Big Boys’ on the sixteenth floor, and I’m totally going to be late getting back from lunch, so I sing along with the only song in my iPod.

Please
Take this
And run far away
Far as you can see
I am
Tainted
And happiness and peace of mind
Were never meant for me
All these
Pieces
And promises and left behinds
If only I could see

What they say happens next is bullshit.

What flashes before my eyes is the headache-inducing, glaring, strobe effect of thirty-two stories of reflective glass and steel and concrete.

In my
Nothing
You meant everything
Everything to me

gut-shot

2007-11-07T01:15:00.000-08:00

tattle-tale hole in your belly,
but i'll get off scott free.

you clipped me,
but i'll get it fixed.
they've made leaps and bounds
in the field of cosmetics,

and you can count
on me coming
for you
again.